Ladies Kickin' Ass
Welcome to "Ladies Kickin' Ass," the podcast where kickass women in the service and trades industries spill the real tea on making it big. Twice a week, host Tanya Wilson brings you the gritty, the pretty, and everything in between.
Catch us every week for a deep dive with a powerhouse entrepreneur. Hear her raw, unfiltered story—from breaking ground in her field to celebrating the ups and downs while scaling her business. These aren’t just chats but your battle plans for crushing it in your business and life!
Then, swing by later in the week for some fierce coaching. Whether from Tanya or a top-notch industry expert, you get the insider tips you need. We’re talking nitty-gritty business & life tactics—from whipping your systems into shape to mastering the art of a kickass workplace vibe and all the marketing savvy you’re skeptical about but seriously need. But let's not forget, it all starts with our mindset, so we'll pepper in some amazing support from women specializing in health, wellness, parenting, and personal development.
"Ladies Kickin' Ass" isn’t just a podcast; it’s your new squad. Here, you’ll link up with fellow badass women, share war stories, swap wisdom, and find tools to amp up your business and life! For every service-based entrepreneurial woman hustlin' to make her mark—welcome home. Let’s rise up and kick ass together!
Ladies Kickin' Ass
#128 - Confidently Say No: Tips for Better Alignment and Success
Ever feel like you're drowning in commitments and can't catch your breath? Join us as we unravel the secret to maintaining both productivity and personal fulfillment in a world that's constantly demanding more. I share my personal revelation about the power of saying no and how it became a crucial part of my self-care routine. We dive into aligning our opportunities with our true goals and the liberating feeling that comes from prioritizing what truly matters. You'll walk away with three practical tips to say no confidently, without the usual guilt, enabling you to lead a more fulfilling life.
Setting boundaries can be tough, especially amidst societal pressures that tell us to always be available, especially for women. This episode brings to light real-life examples, including a friend's courageous decision to postpone an event, showing the value of authenticity and kindness in saying no. We discuss actionable advice on establishing limits in both personal and professional spheres, learning to delegate, and how to recharge effectively. Hear about the transformative power of focusing on fewer tasks and how that focus can lead to significant progress, both personally and professionally. Tune in to discover how saying no not only aligns us with our true selves but also propels us towards achieving our dreams.
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Hey, badasses, welcome to the end of your week, and I just wanted to hop on for a quick second and share something that is just kind of hitting me hard today and I'm just going to jump right into it because I just need to talk this out, and no one better to talk this out with than all of y'all, this out with than all of y'all. I really have been checking my schedule and making sure that I'm getting all of my stuff done and making sure that I'm not missing out on anything and that I'm taking care of my team and I'm trying to take care of my family and I'm trying to take care of myself. But at the end of the day, I look at my schedule and I'm like how productive were you? But at the end of the day, I look at my schedule and I'm like how productive were you? How many different tasks did you really do every single day? And I gotta tell y'all I'm kind of embarrassed because I have flip-flopped between so many projects this week. It's now Friday and I'm like what did I get accomplished today? And I know I cannot be alone in this and I don't want you to feel like you're alone in this, and that's why we're going to talk this out together, because I truly feel like one of the biggest things that I have to start doing, like immediately, is I need to start saying no to more things. Like not maybe a little bit this week and a little bit next week. Like if it's not a hell, yes, then it needs to be a hell. No, anybody else feel me on that.
Speaker 1:I need to desperately take stock in looking at my calendar and looking at the opportunities that I have on my plate and say is this getting me to where I want to be by the end of this year? Is this aligning with my word of the year value? I look at my vision board over here on my wall every single day when I'm sitting in here working in my office, and there have been so many great opportunities come into my life this year that I'm like, oh my gosh, that's it. That's the one. I have this major FOMO situation where I'm like I don't know, should I, shouldn't I? I better do it, I better do it, I better do it. But I have to catch myself because me and I have a realization today that that's the old me still hanging on, and what I mean by that is that scarcity mindset of like should. If I don't grab this right now, it's not going to exist for me in the future.
Speaker 1:And today, as I sat looking at my calendar, I was just like floored at the things that I say yes to. That one I just really don't want to do and I'm being really honest with you and I hope you can be honest with yourself there's shit on our calendar so we just don't want to do, but we do it anyways. And it's not stuff like having to take the kids to school or pick up something or do something like that. Like it's stuff that we have been asked to do by other people and we say yes, whether it's promise of potential money, whether it's promise of potential visibility for our business, whether whatever it is, we say yes. And then do you ever have those times where you say yes and then you instantly regret saying yes, like you put it in your calendar and you're like those are the ones that I'm going to challenge you this weekend that you just go immediately to your calendar and say see ya, because they don't need to be there If they're not bringing you happiness, if they're not bringing joy, if they're not bringing benefit to your family. If they're not bringing benefit to your business or to you, to your soul, then you can park them in the parking lot and you can do them later if it's awesome, or maybe it's just not the right opportunity for you.
Speaker 1:Imagine if we said yes to every great opportunity that came up. I know y'all get awesome opportunities to do a variety of different things, but what really aligns with your heart? I have great opportunities on the table right now with a few different situations, and it's tugging at my heart so much. Which one is going to allow me more time with my family, because that's really really what I want? Which one is going to allow me to have more freedom financially to be able to do the things that I want to do? Which ones are going to make me be able to stay in a calm state and not be in this constant panic or anxiety of the unknown all the time? I would love to challenge you to take a look at your calendar if this resonates with you at all, and not feel guilty for getting rid of the shit that you don't want to do. Feel guilty for getting rid of the shit that you don't want to do. I want to go through three quick little tips, tricks and ideas that I'm going to start implementing right away so that I can be more confident in the art of saying no as women.
Speaker 1:I find it so interesting because when we have to tell somebody no, it often is accompanied by an excuse no, I can't do that today because I have to fill in the blank. Oftentimes, when you hear a man say no, he's like nope, not right now, nope, not for me, nope. How can we be more unapologetic about saying no? Why do we take it personally? I think this is something women have struggled with for a long time, because a lot of us I think our innate want and need is to help people and to serve and to nurture things and make them grow and do cool things with them. We also love the excitement of starting something new. If you're like me, I love new things. I love new ideas. I love to excitement of starting something new. If you're like me, I love new things. I love new ideas. I love to help you start new businesses. I love the new. But if you're constantly in the new, you don't ever get to see the growth. You don't ever get to experience the hard work and the things that come from that.
Speaker 1:I think one of the most important tips that I want to start off with is recognizing when you need to say no. And I've really looked at my calendar. We have, like can you believe this? Like really four months left. It's damn near September already. We have four months left. Have you accomplished what's on that vision board? Have you accomplished what you want to do? I was looking at my goal board at work today and I was like, oh my god, I got a really kicking chair in quarter four if we're going to hit these or if I'm going to accomplish these. But I'm committed, and if I'm committed to the things that were on the board, I need to stop saying yes to new things. It doesn't have to be a no forever, but it's a no for right now.
Speaker 1:If this is something that you resonate with big time, I would recommend you to maybe look at it from this lens, especially if you're a mom or you have a family at home, that you're going home to a family at home, that you're going home to every new opportunity that I say with work, business, collaboration, whatever it is, is taking time away from me being at home with my family and my kids, which I told you all at the beginning of the year was one of my greatest goals this year, is to be able to free up my time to spend more time with my family, and that means more downtime. And, if any of you know me, that's very uncomfortable for me. I picked my kids up from school today. I'm at my house at 3 pm and I'm like I'm never home this early. But I love that because it's a new kind of challenge for me. It's a slowdown, it's something that I need in my life and I know that my kids need that too. But every time I say yes to taking on a new task, yes to taking on a new responsibility, yes, I'll teach the class with you. Yes, I'll do this. Yes, I'll do this because you want to be involved, you're really saying no to what you're really striving and hoping for evolved. You're really saying no to what you're really striving and hoping for.
Speaker 1:I have to give major kudos to a friend of mine this week who reached out personally. We were planning a women in business event which we're going to table it for a little bit, but she reached out and just said you know what this really isn't aligning with what I really want my goals to be this year and I know we can make huge impact, but let's try to do something online and let's try to do it a little bit later. I know in that time too, you almost feel like you need to apologize and hope that that doesn't change a friendship. Because you're honest and to be real honest with y'all, that was one of the most precious gifts that she gave to me, because I have been in a season of overwhelm. I have been like at the end of the day, like, oh my gosh, I have to slow down a little bit. That was a gift that she gave me that, to be real honest with you, I wouldn't have given to myself. I would have showed up, I still would have put it on, but that was such a gift.
Speaker 1:And so maybe when you think about when you're clearing your calendar this weekend or trying to rearrange it to make it more sense, maybe think of it from that lens. Like me, deciding not to do this might be an answer to somebody else's prayers, because it definitely was for me. Recognize when to say no forever and no, not right now, and be honest about that. Don't say, oh, the time's not right for me right now. But okay, can I check in with you in three months? Yeah, go ahead and do that when you know damn well you don't want to talk to him in three months. Just be honest. You know what. This really doesn't align with me. But I wish you luck.
Speaker 1:And how can I support you? I mean, it's little things like that that you can do. That doesn't have to sound terrible. You don't even have to offer to support them. Give them a compliment on the way they presented something. Give them a compliment on how far they've come. Give them a compliment on their shoes. You know that I believe that we're always making somebody feel something, and even when you have to give a no, there is a way to give a no with one you not feeling like shit for saying no, you being able to be confident in using that two-letter word no, and them not feeling like they have been dismissed. And I think that all goes back to just making sure that we're using kindness in saying no. I'm sorry, that's not going to work for me right now. You don't have to have an excuse as to why it doesn't work for you. You don't have to have an excuse for the reason why you don't want to do it at all. No, that doesn't really align with me. But thank you is something that is a very simple way of being able to say no to an opportunity or no to a sale or no to well, really anything.
Speaker 1:Another tip I would give you is really understanding the importance of boundaries in your life. That includes personally and at work, and with clients. Establish limits on access to you. Establish limits and boundaries around times you're available or projects that you take on. Just because you can do it doesn't mean you should. We have to remember that as small business owners. Just because I can do that doesn't mean I should take it on. And if you don't have somebody on your team that calls you out on your shit every time you try to take on a project, hire one. I have one and she's incredible and she gives me that look and then I'm like never mind, I'm not going to do that. And I definitely always give it to somebody else on my team, which is a benefit to me because I don't have to do it, and it's a benefit to her because it's probably going to take me longer to do it than it would somebody else on the team, having those wonderful, brilliant people in your life is so, so, so important, but make sure that you have boundaries around things, even with your kids and your spouse.
Speaker 1:I need to take 15 minutes and I need to just have some me time and explain that to them. I just need some me time for 15 minutes. I'm going to go sit in my office. I need everybody to leave me alone. I'll be with you in 15 minutes. Take that time that you need. It's better to take 15 minutes if you need to, when you get home, before you come home and you bring your day into the home and then you know maybe something didn't go right for the day or maybe you know you're kind of decompressing on the way home. That's not a very long drive and you just need some time. Maybe you just need some time to breathe. We as women want to apologize for that all the time, like I need some time, but oh shit, I better go to Target because I need time.
Speaker 1:You can have timeouts in your own home. Everybody has timeouts in their own home. If you live in a house full of boys, their timeout is the bathroom and we all know this. Where did that kid go? Where is my husband oh yeah, they've been in the bathroom for 30 minutes. They're not in there doing biz for 30 minutes, they're in there having a timeout. If you got to go in the bathroom and have a timeout for 30 minutes, great. But I think, women, that that's a magnet spot. That's where everybody comes to find you. So they know better than that. You gotta, you gotta, trick them out of that one. You gotta trick them out. If you have kids, the little fingers under the door, the dogs at the door, it's a whole thing. I don't know me, just me. That's definitely not my place to hide here, because everybody will be drawn to that door being shut. But if I explain to them hey, I need to take a walk around the block, can I come? No, I need some time alone. It's okay to say no, it's okay to say no to your spouse and it's okay to say no to your kids if you need some alone time. And the last thing I just want to touch on, I want to make this a quick little something you can listen to going home on your Friday commute Overcome the guilt of saying no.
Speaker 1:Why do we feel guilty for saying no? Why do we feel guilty for saving our own sanity. Why do we feel guilty for telling people no when we already have plans somewhere else? We already have plans somewhere else. I almost did this today because one of our colleagues had sent a text and said hey, are you open for lunch on Monday? Our treat. And I almost text him back and said, yeah, that would be great. And then I looked at my calendar and I have a lunch date with my husband on Mondays and because he was invited to the meeting too, I instantly went back to typing saying, yeah, that would be great, we could do that. But who am I honoring and who am I keeping my yes to? I'm telling my husband no, I don't want to go have lunch with you on Monday at our typical lunch date time because another opportunity came up. Don't cancel on people. Don't double book. People Show up. When you say you're going to show up, being able to say no, that does not work for me. Next week is pretty full already, but I do have fill in the blank. The next Tuesday I'm open, and that is what I will send to them and say look, next week's already pretty booked up for me, but I'd love to meet with you next Tuesday. Does that work for you.
Speaker 1:We try so hard as women to be so fucking accommodating to everybody all the time, to our own damn detriment, and I am on a mission to make sure that we stop doing this. And that starts with me. And I may be having just a complete conversation staring at myself on the computer here to myself, because I need to hear this Think about how much calmer your life would be if it was a little more simpler. We don't have to be the PTA mom, the CEO at work, the soccer coach, the volunteer, the mom, the dish steward, the laundry person, the wife, the date planner, the travel coordinator. You don't have to be all of these things. But I think as women, we have a really hard time.
Speaker 1:One saying no, which is our topic today, and two, asking for help. If you've got a lot of stuff on your schedule, you don't necessarily have to even say no, but you can delegate to somebody else and ask them to help you. Many times our kids and our spouses are more than happy to help with things if we ask. I know. For me, many times I'm like cook dinner and now I have to clean all this shit up myself. Where is everybody If I simply would say hey guys, can you come into here and help me? They would all come home.
Speaker 1:We assume that because we think about it, everybody else should think about it, and they don't, and we need to give them the benefit of the doubt for that. But what we have to do is stand up and say something. We have to stand up and say no, and no is a complete sentence. Up and say no and no is a complete sentence. You don't have to come up with anything after that. No, that doesn't work for me. No, I'm busy. You don't have to tell them why. No, not right now. If it's something you don't want to do in the future, don't say contact me. No, this isn't for me right now. This doesn't really align for me.
Speaker 1:Maybe work on a few things that could be simple letdowns, if that's something that you definitely want to be conscious of, and I think a lot of us do and so we end up making excuses, which may or may not be true, just to be able to say no. Focusing is about saying no. Getting to those big dreams and goals that you want to do what's on. That vision board requires me to say no to more times than I say yes, you have to say no, no, no, no, no should be more frequent than yes. We overextend ourselves and then we get resentful for that or we become overwhelmed or anxious and we have to start taking care of us Again. We need to return back to home. What makes us feel good? What level of commitment, what level of yeses fills in alignment with my soul, fills in alignment with my goals? When you say no, you turn down the noise of everything else that's going on.
Speaker 1:Like if we really took one thing in our business and we focused so hard on that one thing in the business this year, how do you think the business will look next year? I'll give you an example. We really worked hard in our business this last year to nail down our costs. Where were we at with costs so that we could get our pricing right? We don't have that many more customers this year than we did last year, but our revenue is up almost 70, a little over 70% this year because we weren't charging the right price. We focused on one thing and made that big of a difference in our business.
Speaker 1:Think, if you focus on one thing in your personal life that you really want to work on, maybe you really need to work on your marriage and you're like I really need to focus on this instead of trying to focus on five things at one time. I know as achievers which a lot of us in here are entrepreneurs, so it just kind of seems to come natural to us. That's kind of scary. That's kind of scary for me to even say out loud, because the slowdown is kind of frightening to me. But when we slow down we can really hear that internal intuition howls us. It tells us maybe we're on the wrong path. It tells us maybe we need to be open to other things. It tells us maybe it's time to close a door on something and try something new. No is a power word. We need to own it like the badasses that we are and watch how much that changes our life.
