Ladies Kickin' Ass

#124 - Transforming Your Business: The Power of Corporate Discipline and Entrepreneurial Creativity with Ella Parlor

• Tanya Wilson • Episode 124

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What if you could transform your business by adopting strategies from both corporate giants and entrepreneurial ventures? Join us for an eye-opening conversation with marketing expert Ella Parlor, who shares her incredible journey from the world of promo modeling in the beverage industry to founding her own consulting firm, EP Consulting. Ella opens up about her motivations behind writing her best-selling book, High Tolerance, and recounts pivotal moments that shaped her career, including her role in achieving massive sales and acquisitions for beverage companies. Her unique blend of corporate discipline and entrepreneurial creativity provides invaluable lessons for anyone looking to elevate their business game.

Business growth isn't a one-size-fits-all journey, and Ella helps us navigate the critical distinctions between building consumer packaged goods (CPG) businesses and service-based enterprises. She emphasizes the importance of aligning business practices with personal goals, whether you're aiming for a quick sell or a lasting legacy. Ella also delves into the emotional challenges of being honest with oneself and one's team, and the necessity of bringing in new leadership when the business outgrows its founder. This candid discussion offers essential insights for business owners at any stage of growth.

We further explore the empowering journey of women in male-dominated industries, the importance of community building, and the significance of women taking control of their financial futures. Ella shares her personal experiences and highlights how women bring unique qualities to leadership roles. We discuss the value of diversity of thought and the power of supportive relationships. Ella's reflections on building wealth through real estate investments and fostering strong communities provide a roadmap for anyone looking to create a balanced and successful life. Don't miss this opportunity to learn from Ella Parlor's wealth of knowledge and experience.

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FREE RESOURCE FROM ELLA: Use promo code: KICKINASS - 100% free guide to write your own book: https://ellayourbella.com/shop/unlockyourbook 

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Tanya Wilson:

Hey badasses, welcome back to the podcast today. Oh, today's going to be a goodie. We were talking before we hit record here and I cannot wait. I have a million questions, so super excited to introduce you today to Ella Parlor. She is a marketing powerhouse. She owns her own podcast. She has a consulting business, ep Consulting, where she is a business strategist and helps people be able to put together a badass business.

Tanya Wilson:

She is also a best-selling author of a new book called High Tolerance, which we'll definitely get into, and I'm so excited to just introduce her to my audience today because this is a woman that understands the importance of building community, the importance of turnaround and helping other people coming up behind her. She understands what it takes to actually run an effective business and to get your brand out there and to market it. So we can go in a million different directions today. So hold on, I'm sure this one is going to be a good one. Ella, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. So hold on, I'm sure this one is going to be a good one. Ella, thank you so much for being on the podcast. Why don't you give us a little bit of your background, how you got into being an entrepreneur yourself and what led to this beautiful new book being written.

Ella Parlor:

Tanya, thank you so, so very much for having me, and that introduction was so beautifully said. I don't know if I could live up to that. So thank you so very much. I really appreciate it. I actually wrote my book High Tolerance because I've received these two questions over and over again, which is, I think we all get this question what do you do? What do you do?

Ella Parlor:

And my work in marketing is so elusive for so many people. I think marketing is a hot buzzword now, but I've been in marketing for 16 years and so I think that from a digital marketing standpoint, I'm a dinosaur, like I used to do campaigns on MySpace back in the day, and so there are a lot of things that people don't understand about marketing, and so I feel a lot like I opened my first chapter talking about like I feel like Chandler Bing you know, everybody knows what Phoebe and Ross and Monica and and Rachel do you know but what does Chandler do? What is Chandler? It's like, how do you explain that? And that's exactly how I feel, and so I really wrote the book to answer. This is what I do, this is how I've built my career, and then also this is how I built the career Like these are the steps that I took to build what I have. I started off in the bottom, so I most of my work has been in the beverage industry and I started off as as really a promo model, you know, and from there I built. What I have now is my consultancy firm, but also working as an executive at Fortune 500 organizations as their internal marketing consultant to make sure that we're driving business, driving sales, creating initiatives. So it's really exciting and we know that it's hard work. But I've just seen so many times that people build something and they almost forget how they built it. So I was like, let me take a step right now and write this story before my next chapter.

Ella Parlor:

But how did I start my own business? How did entrepreneurship come onto my radar? You know this isn't the most attractive answer. I was approached. I was approached by two different individuals and again I talk about this in my book, but because of the work that I was doing in corporate America, I was approached by a former manager that I had worked with and then also a former executive that I had worked with, so in two different situations. They were working for new beverage companies. One of them is a sports beverage that ended up getting sold for a billion dollars to a very big beverage company that you 100% know and I helped build the trade marketing plan for that brand, not knowing that they were positioning themselves to sell. And so after that experience I was like whoa, I didn't get equity in this company. I didn't even think to ask about that, I just was kind of consulting for an hourly basis. No, it's okay, like I don't hold it precious. I was young, I was in my twenties, I was in my early twenties, I think.

Ella Parlor:

I was 23 when that company sold, and to this day I see it at every single store, every convenience store, every grocery store, and I know that I was a part of that legacy of that brand. I helped with the rebranding of their bottle again to position themselves to sell. So that was really exciting. And then the second time, an executive came to me asking for some help on some marketing initiatives and that brand ended up selling for about $10 million. Probably could have been 20 million if all of us knew what we were doing.

Ella Parlor:

But this is when I started realizing oh my gosh, I can take my experiences working with these billion dollar companies, having these multimillion dollar budgets, and scale it down to then empower smaller businesses to get the type of results that they want without having that million dollar spend but having the knowledge of no, no, no, this will move the needle or this won't. So because I have that experience of huge marketing spend, I have a pretty good idea of what's going to move the needle for a particular business, especially on the digital marketing front, and you can quickly analyze like is this working? Are we getting the ROI we want? So I feel very fortunate that I'm kind of I don't know, I'm still very corporate minded. I don't know that I'm as wild wild west as some entrepreneurs, but I also really appreciate the freedom of owning my own business and kind of deciding what I do or don't want to do.

Tanya Wilson:

Beth, I think that's incredible that you are still, when you say I'm still kind of corporate, because us Wild Wild West entrepreneurs that are out there are like God damn it, I wish we had some processes that we could put into place here.

Tanya Wilson:

So we have a hard time dreaming those up, which is also challenging. I think that's really a superpower when you come from corporate because you've learned the structure of systems and processes, and I think that's one of the biggest limiting factors for small businesses that I have worked with is that they have zero systems and processes. All their systems and processes are in one person's brain that started this business and then they just remanufacture them every time they have to hire somebody and they wonder why it takes so much time to scale. So I think that's a massive superpower that you probably bring a lot of insight to with these small businesses that you're consulting in the importance of making sure, when you're a one man band or a one lady band like you, get the shit together now instead of waiting down the road and then you're trying to play catch up all the time. Now you're too busy and then it's a big old cluster, you know it's true, I will say SOP is my superpower.

Ella Parlor:

So while I am a marketer, I'm very operations and processes. So SOP just meaning like system operational processes is that that's exactly what I like process I like, and that goes to data right. So really, the process of how are we creating the product, whatever it may be, how are we marketing the product, how are we selling the product and then making sure that all three verticals align with what we're trying to accomplish financially. And so that's where being able to be cross-functional and working across departments has been my strong point. I love numbers and I love people and I love them equally.

Ella Parlor:

I think often we'll see that some people like, if you work in a finance, do finance in your title, you're probably more of a numbers person than a people person. You'd rather crunch the numbers, look at the analytics. That's beautiful, that's great, but eventually people are kind of required for any business, like you've got to be the people, you have to be for the people at some point, and that's where you hire these sales individuals who are super people focused and love people, but then they don't always want to look at the numbers. So it's finding someone who can be cross-functional and help and building systems is exactly what I'm great at. I will also add that what I think a lot of smaller businesses don't understand as they scale and grow is new levels, new devils.

Ella Parlor:

I talk about this in my book. What made you successful yesterday is not going to keep you successful today, and as you build wealth right, we know this as you make more money, there are new laws that enter the chat. The laws that you have to play by when you're a smaller business with less than 10 employees is going to be a different set of laws once you scale to 20, 50, 100 employees. So as you scale, the laws literally change, but also the rules of the game change. The expectations of your employees change, the expectations of your customers change and you have to have SOP.

Ella Parlor:

That is flexing with these pivots, and I think that a lot of times that's the piece that gets missed. Just because it made you successful in the 1980s does not mean that it's going to work today. But even then, even for yourself, we all know like it's just constant evolution, constant fine tuning, and so that means that the good example is, I'll say, like if you have a CPA, the best blessing in the world is when your CPA fires you because a CPA who can manage a $1 million business is not the CPA who can manage a billion dollar business. And if you have a good.

Ella Parlor:

CPA. Eventually he I hate to say it, but most CPAs are men. It's an unfortunate fact and I always like to use pronouns to call that out, because I'd love to see more female CPAs out there. But when your CPA most likely a male fires you because he's ethical and says I can handle your million dollar business, but you're now at five million and that's beyond my capacity and they're just new levels, new devils. Unfortunately, not all of your team is going to be able to evolve with you, and that includes your accountants. That includes a lot of things. You want your people to evolve with you and develop your people along the way, but I think that this is again where SOP is so crucial and yet completely overlooked. I see it all the time and exactly what you said we don't even know why we're doing what we do, except that we've always done it this way.

Tanya Wilson:

Yes, I remember hearing the saying what got you here won't get you there. Same thing with the people. These people helped you build a $2 million business. Now you have a $10 million business. Just because they've been a manager doesn't mean you move them up to now their operations manager. You know it's really.

Tanya Wilson:

I think a lot of times in small business too, we try to get people to do a few things that maybe a few people's jobs maybe would have been dictated in corporate. And so you're like, well, you're really good at answering the phones and doing social media posts and writing my emails and you know, sometimes running to the post office for us and doing, you know like you'll hire somebody and be like I can have them do a whole bunch of stuff. When you're doing a whole bunch of everything, you're really not good at anything. So, as you're building a business too, it's defining what the roles are for people and letting and identifying what their superpowers are and letting them work in their superpowers. Just because there's somebody that's been with you, tenure wise, that doesn't mean they become the next manager somewhere else. And I'm speaking from experience on this. I've had excellent service technicians that I'm like, yeah, they should be the field manager now and they get to field manager and then they end up quitting because they're like I don't want to manage people, I just want to come in and do my job every day, and that's okay, because we need all the people to be able to make the business run. But don't be scared to be looking for the right people that are going to take you to the next level.

Tanya Wilson:

I know we're like that in our business at this point. We've hit the ceiling three years in a row and it was very apparent after last year. I'm like new level of people. We need new level of implementers, not just hiring more workers. It's higher implementers, creative people, that will get us to the next level. As business owners, we have to think too what is our level of where we're at? I can run this two, three, $4 million business pretty well. I got a handle on it. You're not gonna be running a $10 million business like you were running that $2 million business. So you've gotta have the mindset to really improve your skill level or bring someone in to help you do that too, which I think often and I'd love to hear from your experience is a huge bottleneck in small business getting bigger and the ability to scale.

Ella Parlor:

Yeah, and it's a balance too, because I think one of the first conversations that needs to be had really with any business owner for themselves, before I even come into the chat and I will say working in CPG is so different than services. So CPG, for anyone who doesn't know, that's anything that you're buying and then you deplete it like toothpaste, a drink, anything that you're buying and then getting rid of and then buying again mouthwash Basically those things you find in the kitchen or the bathroom, toilet paper. Those are all CPD products, right, and so those are products that are getting purchased and then they get run out and then you need more of it For your services. That's not exactly how it works, right, like you're doing a service and you might not have a quote repeat customer for I mean ideally a while you don't want a customer who's coming back every month, but probably means that's an issue in the business model, right, and so it's really looking at one what is our business model in terms of our customer and consumer?

Ella Parlor:

And then, two, what is my goal? What is my honest goal with this business? And a lot of business owners one, are not honest with themselves. Two, not honest with their employees. You go into it with the idea of selling your business, that's fine. But how you sell a business, a fast sell, we'll call it where you're only building something so it will get purchased by someone else and you will get bought out and your book of thoughts will get bought out how you position that business is going to be significantly different than if you're trying to be the next.

Ella Parlor:

I like to pick on Louis Vuitton. Louis Vuitton, right. If you're trying to build the next legacy brand where you want people to remember your name and you want your family to be proud of the business that you created, then you're going to have to. Unfortunately, that's going to be different, and what I think happens a lot of the times is business owners go into it wanting a legacy for their name, wanting to be the next Louis Vuitton of whatever their space is, and they want their kids wearing their name on a t-shirt very proudly, like we own this. But then their business practices show me that what they're really trying to do is a fast sell and what they really want is the fast money of someone else coming over and taking their business. And I'm like you've got to pick one and then stick to it, because they are very separate strategies. I have worked with iconic, global, long-term Louis Vuitton level brands. I say Louis Vuitton again because some of the companies I work with actually are minor owners of that LVMH company and so the parent company of Louis Vuitton. But, like, if you want a legacy brand, you better understand that it's going to take a different approach, a different strategy, a different long term vision, and that's going to mean that you're making very delicate decisions, not only in who you hire but how you brand yourself, how you position yourself. If you're trying to get that quick sale which I see a lot of companies doing, that's when you get yourself on TikTok and do silly dances for your brand. You're not trying to build a legacy, you're not trying to make your children proud, you're trying to get as many fast sales as possible. That's all well and good, but you can't do both and that's where I get kind of having that coming to yourself moment of like okay, what am I building and why? You're going to hear this so many times as a business owner and it's difficult, but you need to figure out why are you building? What you're building? Like, truly, do you know what you want? Because if you don't, and you're wavering back and forth between I just want to pay my bills or I want to send my kids to private school, or I want to be retired at 35. If you're going back and forth on what your true goal was in creating this brand, then your business practices are going to waver as well, and that's where that's where you're going to have some issues.

Ella Parlor:

And so a lot of what I do is is a lot more emotional for business owners, of sitting down and challenging them and saying you say you want this, but your actions are showing me the following so I'm not always my client's favorite, I'll be frank. I mean I am once the profits start coming through and the changes are made and you know I'm usually able to make immediate changes, thankfully and prayerfully, like I am happy about that. But those initial conversations are usually pretty hard and I'm and a lot of times again, because almost almost every single business owner I've worked with is a man Because, again, we're just, this is life and we have to just honor that. And so I'll say, like this is a conversation you need to take home to your wife, because, yeah, she'll probably wife, because, yeah, she'll probably know better she'll probably know better than you even know like, why did you start this brand, why did you start this company? Tell me, like you, we need to get to the heart of that, because if, if it's wavering, you're, it's just never going to make sense for you, um, and then it's.

Ella Parlor:

Also. Having that honest conversation is a lot of owners need to step down. You're great, you had a great idea and a lot of owners need to step down. You're great, you had a great idea and a lot of owners don't. And it's like and it's time to bring on a CEO. Yeah, you, you got you this. You are part of that same. People, honey, like the team that got you to where you are, yourself included, are not the team that are going to get you where you want to be, and so it's also kind of having that moment in the mirror where you say, oh, I need to step away from this business. I'm holding it back, and some business owners knuckle their ideas and it's like no, no, no, no, this is a part of the plan and you see that happen a lot.

Ella Parlor:

A lot I love to see. I always love to look at Richard Branson and Elon Musk because they have a big grip on their brands. But they also decided pretty early on they don't need to be the CMO and the CFO and the CEO they had to hire out. You need other strategists. That's why you need a board, and so I know that's a little next level like, depending on the size of your business. But you've got to go into your business knowing that at one point you will no longer be the boss and if you have, you have to accept that like in some way or another, because you can't, you're not, you're not a one man show, and if you are long enough, then that probably shows a lack of growth.

Tanya Wilson:

Yeah, oh, so good, because so many people think I got to stick around. If I'm not here, it's not going to run. I hear people say that all the time If I'm not there, it's not going to run or it's not going to be done properly. You got to like building a business is a big ass ego check to me, because at some point you have to be willing to say this is not my place anymore. I'm getting to that point in my service business where I'm like I love working on this business and creating new opportunities and doing things, but the title that I hold at my business is holding me back from doing those things. Let's get somebody in here that can manage the people and can do the things that you don't necessarily enjoy doing.

Tanya Wilson:

And I think so many business owners stick with shit that they don't even want to be doing or they're not great at and they're continuing to work on their weaknesses and you're like now you just have a bunch of still weaknesses. You know like they're a weakness because you don't want to focus on them, you don't genuinely like them. Step into your strengths and hire the rest of that stuff out. Provide opportunity to do that and don't be afraid to hire. I think that's something with small businesses too.

Tanya Wilson:

They wait way too damn long to hire somebody and at this point now it's like such a rat's nest that they don't know what to do. Or bringing someone in is going to scare somebody to death. That it's a disaster. So don't be afraid to do it. Once you hire somebody, you're like how the hell did I ever function without you? I know I did that for far too long, so that's a big part of it as well. And involving people as you grow this business, it's so important you get your team rallied around it. They'll be excited to have extra help that you're unable to provide to them.

Ella Parlor:

Amen, and they will be ambassadors of your brand. You have no idea the network that your team has. You really don't, and I've seen that as well. The universe works in such a wonderful way that there is opportunity all around you, and a lot of times we just put our blinders on unwittingly. I will also say that one of the expectations for business owners when they hire someone and I will say I struggle with this, so I have a very tiny team of three my business has technically only been an LLC for six months, so it's still pretty new, even though I've been operating as a sole proprietor for nine years, and so I know this. I've given this advice, but, of course, taking your own advice, like you realize how bitter your medicine really is when you taste it yourself, is accepting.

Ella Parlor:

You know, a lot of times we hire someone expecting them to be 110, 150% of us. So it's like, well, if I'm doing this, and I was doing it for myself quote for free, which is never free Like everything you're doing is being monetized in some way, even if it's just your time. But you know, I struggle with this because I'm like, well, I could have made a better social media post. Right, I would have done it better, it would have been more on brand, it would have been more in my voice. Okay, stop looking at a hundred, expect 70%. So when hiring someone, don't expect that someone's going to be better than you. Yes, at some times, like for me, finance is not my strong, strongest point.

Ella Parlor:

So my next hire would likely be a finance individual, and so I just need them to be 70% of my work, not expecting them to be 150% of what I can do. And I think a lot of times we have this ridiculous expectation that this person is going to be 10x better than we are. Well, my love, if they were that talented, they'd probably own their own business and kick you to the curb. So you have to understand that your team is never going to be you. They're not going to measure up to you. But 70% is the number that I would say like, feel good, they're at 70%, you're doing okay.

Tanya Wilson:

Absolutely. Yes, oh my gosh, so good, so good, so good. So we were talking too, before we hit record on here just how important since we're talking about business and where it's at, with everything like the importance of we both work in male dominated industries very much. So marketing still very, very male, very male. You worked in alcohol beverages very male. I worked for Anheuser-Busch for a long time too, so we have that in common as well. Kind of got into that the same way as well, and it's fascinating. I've always worked in male dominated industries, always.

Tanya Wilson:

I grew up in construction family in Wyoming on a farm Male Male. Went to the beer business Definitely male, you know. Back into home service companies Super male. You know only 4% of the labor force in home service and trade industries are female 4.4% and the ownership of that is 0.04% of women. That 100% own a home service or home specialty trade business.

Tanya Wilson:

It's insane, it's absolutely crazy. But there is such a difference, if you will, when you experience a business that has female leadership in it and there are female just qualities that are brought in to this business. It could be the fact that women are really great at building communities and building teams and getting people to believe in them. I truly believe that most women have a very natural tendency to be a leader if they're confident enough to put themselves out there to do it. I think they're really great at it. Talk to me a little bit about what your experience has been working in a male dominated industry as long as you have and what you think women bring to these fields and why we need to continue to encourage women to enter them.

Ella Parlor:

I, so I get asked this question a lot and I heard something really beautiful from Amy Schumer, because she gets asked this question a lot from a comedian. Female comedians are having a moment, which is amazing. But let's be real, comedy has very much been dominated by male comedians. And so someone asked Amy Schumer and said do you find it hard to be a female comedian? And she responded and it really hit me.

Ella Parlor:

She said I think it's just hard to be a female, no matter where you are, even if you're a teacher, which is an industry that is, education is overwhelmingly, at the elementary level, overwhelmingly dominated by females, right and I would say that female teachers have their own issues, and I would say that female teachers have their own issues and you know, I don't think that being in a male dominated or a female dominated or you know equally, you know each place. I think being a female in general is is just difficult and if we can just admit that for a second and not feel bitter about it, not have a chip on our shoulder, but just accept that we're all dealt different cards for different reasons. I am a black Mexican woman, so people love to really point out that I'm a minority. I'm a triple minority. I get it, but I love it. I love it, I stand out, I bring a different perspective. I think that it's important and the reason why I'm such a proponent for diversity I'm using this word with quotations diversity is because I'm not talking about skin color, I'm not talking about gender, just diversity of thought. We need your team should not be 100% clones of you, whatever you are.

Ella Parlor:

I would be really freaked out to meet a clone of myself, because I do feel like I'm a very rare gem, Like find me a black Mexican woman, literally find me one and let me know her name, because I can name maybe two that I've ever met. I'm the only black Mexican in my female in my own family, right. So in my own family I'm a minority. So, like, I don't think of it's just, we're all family, we're all blood, we're just different and that's fine. I don't think of it as like oh, I'm the only one. I always was raised to believe that family is what you make of it. My dad's adopted, right, so I just I have all these ideas of like, all right, I don't want to focus on what makes us different. I want to focus on what makes us the same. What shared beliefs do we have? And, furthermore, I don't want to hire a bunch of mini Ellas. I think I'd be annoyed. We would never shut up. We'd probably make it enough work.

Ella Parlor:

So it's important to value diversity of thought. Your entire team should not look like clones of you and they should not all think like you do. You want people who are going to challenge you and stretch, should not all think like you do. You want people who are going to challenge you and stretch you in a direction that you need. And so for women, I would say, if you are in a space where you look around your work environment and it's a bunch of women who think and act like you. Are you really getting the growth you need? I don't know. I love being a female in a male-dominated space. I really do.

Ella Parlor:

I think, I do at times have a chip on my shoulder. I very much have a excuse my language here, but my balls are bigger than yours and I'll prove it. Kind of mentality and that's not always healthy. That's not healthy. I admit that's not. It turns some people off. We'll say that if I come into a room swinging heavy. But I do have this idea because I have been the only female in a room of 200 men and I'm on stage in a tight skirt, presenting that I'm like if this group of men decided to just literally attack me or something like, what am I going to do?

Ella Parlor:

You know, you have this, this. A little bit of this fear creeps in and then you go hell. No, I'm Ella Parlor. Welcome to my show. These are the things that we're going to get done, and when you have talent and when you have proven metrics, like the rest will speak for itself.

Ella Parlor:

It's hard for me because, as a triple minority, I have this chip on my shoulder that people think I'm only there because I'm a diversity hire or I'm only got this job because I'm like the only you know XYZ that checks certain boxes. So I have this chip on my shoulder that I need to get over that. No, I'm here because of my talent, not just because I'm the only female and I have at this, this point, through experience, the track record to prove it. But absolutely, ladies, it's awesome. It's awesome being able to bring new ideas to the table that nobody else has thought of. This is why I'm focused on diversity of thought, not just what you look like, not just what your background is, not just your thought, not just what you look like, not just what your background is not just your genitalia forget all that, I think it's like no, let's start thinking differently for the sake of growth and strategic growth.

Tanya Wilson:

Yes, the confidence that you can bring walking into a room. I've done that plenty of times too. You go to construction meeting. You walk in. They're like that's the girl that's here that's gonna talk to us about sewer systems. Like let's test her.

Tanya Wilson:

But I know my shit literally, and there is nothing more powerful than walking into that room knowing that you know what you know. Because when you are confident in your skill set regardless of the fact that I got hired because I was a female and they needed to fill the roster or not, I'm still going to knock their socks off and they will never think for two seconds when I left that room that I was only there as this pity hire that they had to have put on stage. So confidence is everything and what you're doing with that. I think it's huge too, because I think when a woman walks into the room, you need to understand the amount of power you have in a room full of men, because a woman can walk into the room and be like, oh okay, we're either going to lower our these men are going to think we don't have to like show up a hundred percent or that confidence she's bringing when she walks into that room is really going to level them up as well. So I think we need to remember the extraordinary power that we carry, even if you're the only one in the room, that you elevate standards of everybody that's in there, regardless of who it is, and that's I know.

Tanya Wilson:

A lot of women that listen to this podcast are in the home service trades industry and many times may think, well, I'm the only of women that listen to this podcast, are in the home service trades industry, and many times may think, well, I'm the only female or I'm only this, and this is why we love to have these conversations. It's because you're not. You're not the only one, and even though it's a small little 4% or a small little 0.04%, if you're an owner that's going into this fucking rock it Like let people know that you're there and that you mean business just like everybody else, and that opens the doors for more women to want to be able to say she did it, so so can I. So we have to talk about this so that it is something that is appealing for more women to jump into and not be fearful that they're going to get run over or anything like that.

Tanya Wilson:

There are so many communities that exist in the world now, with the virtualness if that's a word virtualness, it is now you can find communities of people, just like Ladies Kicking Ass and what Ella is doing with her podcast, where you can learn to build that confidence. You can learn from other women that are doing stuff that you're doing. Tell me, Ella, what the importance of building a community has meant for you and what that's done for success with your business.

Ella Parlor:

Community building is so very important to me. You know my parents are, in their own right, social justice warriors, I say my father was not only a Marine Corps officer for the United States but also a police officer, and so I grew up with a vigilant belief in service and community. I grew up volunteering a lot. I mean I still do. Volunteering and service are very important to me and my work is so important to me. And knowing that, even through selling alcohol which again I talk about in my book you might think, well, you're selling booze, like, are you really building communities? Are you really helping people? Are you really empowering people? Heck, yes, yes, yes, I, I you get to build some amazing communities. Because I will say, politics left, right up down, north, south American, not American whatever sit down and have a cup of whiskey or tea right, non-alcoholic tea.

Ella Parlor:

Sit down and have a drink with someone and you'll realize that you are so much more alike than not and community building is so important. We don't even step outside of our front door. Look left to right. Do you know the name of your neighbors, Do you? I mean I, when I move into a neighborhood, I'm that person that like bakes cookies and like send little cards and gives everyone my phone number, cause I'm, like you, already know where.

Ella Parlor:

I live Like. Like, if you want to murder me, you're going to do it, but like my phone number ain't going to change that.

Ella Parlor:

But if my music too loud, you can call me. You don't have to call the cops, or if there's something suspicious, let me know. And, by the way, that has happened before. But I'm a single woman who lives alone. I say single not in terms of my dating status, they're just I'm not married, right. So I always say single until married ladies, even if you have a long-term boyfriend, you're marking single on your taxes to uncle sam. You is single.

Ella Parlor:

I hate to say it, but as a single woman living alone, I kind of want my neighbors to be looking out for me. Right, and we can be afraid of our neighbors, but they're your dang neighbors. They're going to hurt you. They're going to hurt you, except that this is a part of the community building. You want someone who's going to look out for you and say hey, I saw someone suspicious, are you okay? I heard a weird noise, are you okay? We don't even do that anymore. We quite literally do not offer a cup of sugar to our neighbor. That, to me, is sad, and I'm not kidding when I say I write little notes for my neighbors when I move into a new place, and I think that community building can literally start at home. Now scale that further into service. Whatever you are doing in your business, I don't care what it is you are selling, I don't care what it is you are giving, I don't care if it's nonprofit.

Ella Parlor:

It should always be in the pursuit of serving communities, you've got to be in service of others and then you can build a community where there is a synchronicity and you are helping each other and you are empowering each other and you are sharing stories of success and failure, because I think we learn more from the failure stories, quite frankly. And so, for me, the community that I've been able to build and where I feel so honored and grateful has been, yes, at work. You know, a lot of my business has come from referrals because of the community that I've built. But again, same way, like you, new levels, new devils, like eventually you're going to have to keep leveling up and building out your community. I also make my values known, like I would hope that with a quick Google search or a quick snoop into my social media, that you are very quickly seeing, like what my values are.

Ella Parlor:

My values are community service, giving confidence, as you mentioned, empowerment, confidence, as you mentioned, empowerment, inspiration, and so I want to attract other people who value these things. I don't value fancy cars, for example. That's not a value for me. Kudos to you if you have a car collection in your garage, that's awesome. That's not one of my values. That is not where I don't put value on that, and so I want my ideal in building my community is like okay, is it based upon the integrity of community service, giving generosity, you know those, you know building each other up, being inspired, being empowered. And that's really what motivates me because, man, I have some hard days I had had a hard week and I have days where I cry my eyes out, and it's only because of the community that I have that I'm able to go. All right, let's wipe our tears, pick ourselves up, get on this podcast right and keep moving.

Tanya Wilson:

Yes, oh, I love that. My friend, lindsay Schwartz, says often that you need three kinds of communities you need one that you can learn from, you need one that you can teach things to and you need one that you can collaborate with, and it is really feeding your soul on so many different levels that you are giving back by helping. You're consistently growing, by learning from something, and there is nothing more empowering than being able to collaborate with women. When you get together with women that want to build shit instead of talk shit, it is a whole nother vibe at a whole nother level.

Tanya Wilson:

And that is something that as I have gotten older at 42 now I'm like I don't have time for the talk, shit, stuff. I don't want friends like this anymore. There's a reason and a season, and if I had them at that point, fantastic. I just don't tolerate that shit anymore. You create the communities that you accept, so create stuff that you are getting and giving and collaborating and building awesome stuff with. At this point in my life, most of my friends are business owners too, because, as an entrepreneur, those are things that I'm interested in.

Tanya Wilson:

If I'm having a conversation with somebody that is not interested in business, doesn't want to own a business isn't part of this. Can I be friendly with them? Sure, still. But what is it that is bringing interested in business? Doesn't want to own a business? Isn't part of this. Can I be friendly with them? Sure, still. But what is it that is bringing enrichment into your life?

Tanya Wilson:

And I think, as women, sometimes we struggle with thinking well, I have to still do this because I don't want to hurt their feelings and I have to keep this low frequency community around me because of whatever and I air quote that too, because it's all just bullshit we tell ourselves because we don't want to make anybody feel bad. It is not your job to do that. It is your job to evolve, though, and to find these communities. That is why this entire podcast exists is because I was like I need a community of bad-ass ladies and I'm having a really hard time doing this going to, you know, networking events, and it's nothing but MLM people and bless their hearts they're fantastic at this, but I don't want Mary Kay and I don't want a diet shake today, like I need badasses that are building businesses and service, and we have the same problems Like how do you market this?

Tanya Wilson:

How do you do this? It's not a handbook. So find a place and pull up a chair. Book. So find a place and pull up a chair. Stop waiting to be invited to come to these places. That's a big problem that we wait for, too. You don't have to be anointed to get into these places. Just pull up a chair. Talk to people, ask them about them instead of just asking about their business. See how you can connect. That doesn't even have anything to do with your business. It's amazing. Who knows who Like so many times. We're like well, that person could never help me. They may be in a completely different industry and know people that could totally partner with you and change the entire trajectory of your business. So just be curious and continue to visit communities until you find something that will elevate those three aspects of your life of giving, of serving and being able to build something with somebody.

Ella Parlor:

Yeah, and I love what you said, because when we talk about low vibrational, low frequency circles and it's because we're tied to certain types of people who were there for us in our past and we want to honor and love those individuals, but I will say that there, as we evolve, you will notice and sometimes it's your family, sometimes it's your closest friends, sometimes it's your coworkers, whoever it might be there is this fear that happens when we see someone we love evolve because we worry they're going to outgrow us, and you brought up a great point. There are people that you outgrew because of your pursuit of entrepreneurship, right? That quite frankly, scares me because, like none of my girlfriends, like none of my best friends, own companies. So like, if I I don't, I'm not ready to lose my crew yet, but our values are built upon a shared value of what family means, right? So my community, my close, close girlfriends, who are still my best friends from high school, like our values are based upon our family values. Like they are my sisters, like we love each other, I love their children, like they're almost my own, right, and so, just like you might have a literal sister who doesn't need to be an entrepreneur for her to be your, your sole sister. Um, I think that we do have those shared values, but a big part of that that we as women are so afraid to do and this is why I love what you're creating here, I love speaking out is that not only do you need to be open and building communities, you gotta open your mouth.

Ella Parlor:

I always say close mouths, don't get fed. Ladies. Ladies, you want to start investing in real estate? Speak about it, because it's only if you speak about it that someone will say oh, my brother does that. Let me introduce you. And we are so afraid to admit what we want, and I have learned that just by a simple conversation. I talk about this in my book, you guys, in my book. So many times a lot of my success literally came from. I had a simple conversation I talk about this in my book, you guys, like in my book. So many times a lot of my success literally came from. I had a simple conversation of saying what I want, not, hey, give me this, I want it right now it's. You know, I was thinking about doing this, but I'm just so overwhelmed because I don't know how.

Tanya Wilson:

Yep, yes, oh, my gosh. And that's a great little segue anyways, because I want to talk to you about exactly what you just said about real estate investing. This is something talking about not opening your mouth Many women may want to pursue. They're like, but I don't have the husband to help me do this yet and I don't know how to do this. And I'm not just like throwing every woman under the bus by saying this, but many times with those big things like that, we're like.

Tanya Wilson:

We have learned either growing up with this thing or just kind of have this default mode of like. I need somebody to help me, and it has to be a partner or something. You have definitely gotten into real estate investing as a single woman, and it is something that you were like. I don't have to wait around for my Prince Perfect to show up in order for me to start building wealth for myself. Anyone that listens to this podcast knows that I'm a huge proponent of women. Making sure you have your own shit together, too, because you cannot be dependent on anybody else. Talk about power. Make sure that you have the power to take care of yourself, and a big thing of that that you're seeing a lot of women move into is really gaining the knowledge and learning how to do real estate investing. So, Ella, I would love to hear how the hell you got into that to start with and why you wanted to do it and how's it going.

Ella Parlor:

Well, I will say and I feel very again compelled to be open about this and transparent I only started investing just in the market, meaning stock market stocks. I only started investing in 2018. And so, in a lot of ways, this is all very new for me. I was in my late 20s and I want to share this story because I think a lot of women can relate, and if I get emotional I do apologize. It's been an emotional week. Anyway, I'm a crybaby. It happens, but let's hope I can keep it together. You know before my 30th birthday.

Ella Parlor:

I was making six figures. I had about $30,000 saved. Okay, and I felt really proud of myself. I'm like I, you know, I'm not 30 yet I got a great job. I I gonna buy, I'm gonna invest in a property, but I'm from Southern California and I grew up on the beach and I only qualified for a mortgage that was about, I think, 350 $350,000.

Ella Parlor:

And this was in like 2017, 2018. And I got a reality check that that won't even get you a lot in California and I felt really sad because all this empowerment of like I'm a badass woman, I'm making six figures, I got 30K in cash who wouldn't want to be me? And then I'm being told over and over again well, if you had a second income, in fact, even if you were making less money.

Ella Parlor:

but you had a second income, you'd qualify for a much higher mortgage. But because it's just you on your own sorry, like this is where it's at and I'm like wait what.

Ella Parlor:

I'm being punished for being single, because and this is no offense to you, tanya, but like when I see women who are like whatever, I'm like okay, but did you do it on your own, own own? Because let me tell you, it's a whole lot easier to get a business loan when you got a husband. It's a whole lot easier to get a mortgage when you got a husband and boy. Do I want a husband? I never asked to be a single, independent woman, jesus. I've been asking for this husband where he at, where he at. But here I am Right, like it is what it is, this is my circumstance, and I never asked to be building all this alone.

Ella Parlor:

And so I was just devastated because I felt like my own status as a single woman was being weaponized against me, of like, not only do I not have the partner that I crave, I do not have the family that I want to build, but I'm being told that I can't even purchase something because I'm single, because I'm not enough. I don't have enough. It was demoralizing, just demoralizing. And then I ended up having several surgeries and medical issues and all these things subsequently, and so that money that I saved, like money, comes and goes right up and down. I've spent over $200,000 in medical bills. Talk about that in my book, about a lot of the issues that I've had from a health perspective and again, doing it alone as a quote single woman, not alone. I have a beautiful community, but I'm just saying like not having that partner, like still having to put my parents' names down for emergency contact forms is, like again, very demoralizing, but it is what it is.

Ella Parlor:

So, fast forward to last year, very similar situation. I have money saved in the bank, I have time, I'm in a new market, I'm living in Texas. Housing is more affordable here. I go and apply for a mortgage and I get the same damn number that I got in 2018. I only qualified for a mortgage of $350,000 six years later, guys. Why was that? Well, because my credit was affected by some of my medical bills. And same story.

Ella Parlor:

Well, if you had a second income income and I don't want to put my parents nate, like I'm not trying to put get a house in my parents name, I, I there's a part of me that refuses to do that I'm like this is bs, and so I'm frustrated and I'm crying because once again, I feel like I'm being told by the universe, by the society, that, Ella, you don't have a man, so you are not enough and you don't have enough. And that feeling of inadequacy is so painful when you're a woman in your 30s and you're you're just trying to make it work. I want a family. I don't know why I haven't been blessed with one yet I don't know Right, but I broke down and I start crying to one of my girlfriends and I tell her I am so sick of feeling like I'm not enough, I'm sick of feeling broken. I'm sick of systems telling me that my hard work and my success still isn't enough, because I know I'm in a better financial position than a lot of women and most women in this country and it's still not enough. How are any of us going to do it?

Ella Parlor:

And it was through that conversation that she said to me very nonchalantly why don't you start investing in real estate? She was like do you really want to live in a house by yourself anyway? Like, do you really want to live alone? Like, and then if a pipe bursts, you have to fix it. Like, at least in an apartment you have all these amenities and you don't have to fix anything. And she's like but when you're going to stand a home, stand a. And as I started talking to her, I'm like you're kind of right, like I don't think I want to live in a house alone, like I'd have to install these security cameras, and then I'm living alone and I don't have neighbors and Ooh, like I just started thinking about that and I'm like you're kind of right, like I do, like living in a high rise that I can feel safe and away from people.

Ella Parlor:

And so, instead of buying my own homestead, it was through her and talking to her that she was like I've been investing in real estate for X amount of years and she was like you can build equity this way. And so money that I had saved to buy my own house, I've now invested into the market as a private money lender and I feel so empowered and I'm like wait a minute, you don't need as much money as you would for a mortgage. And so what's going to happen is, as I'm taking my money and making it work for me and giving it to other investors who are flipping the money, renting the money, doing whatever they do, depending on the business deal is that my money is growing. My money is growing. It's not just sitting in a bank account and I like not only do I feel empowered, but I'm also building more wealth. So that way, when it's time to buy my homestead whenever that might be a year now, from two, when I'm more comfortable with it Not only do I have more cash because I made my money work for me. But I have a better network now of real estate professionals who are in the market, vetting the market, know the market. All of these things that I didn't have one year ago. It's only been one year and I cannot believe what a blessing it was that I didn't get that mortgage that I thought I deserved or whatever the circumstances were. Those were all blessings.

Ella Parlor:

Everything that's happening to you, I promise it's happening for you. It's not happening to you and it's painful. I was so sad and sobbing that I'm crying to one of my best friends and it was through that conversation that she revealed a strategy I didn't know existed and I think we as women just don't talk to each other enough. We're just not talking. I will say a lot of my married friends. I try to have conversations like this with them and they're like oh, my husband handles all that. My handle like cryptocurrency, don't know it. My husband does all that and I look more power to you, honey. That's just not my story. That's not my situation, sir. I gotta do it on my own and hope that when I do get blessed with the husband that I want and that his heart is being prepared for me and, in our situation that he will look at the work that I've done as a value add that I can bring to whatever he's building right now, hell yes, that, oh my gosh.

Tanya Wilson:

You're a massive catch, Ella. It is incredible that you choose to build this on your own. It is a genuine reason for building it. You know what I mean by that. Like there's not really anything behind this. It's not like I'm building it for my kids, I'm building it for this. You're genuinely building it for yourself and you're an incredible example of what you could all of us can do when you actually focus on building something for yourself.

Tanya Wilson:

I'm married. I was a single mom for a long time. I started this business that I run now as a single woman. My husband now comes and works in the business with me, but it's still one of those things that is a little bit of a different situation and that's great, because you're building something for yourself. And what an incredible partnership that will lead to someday when it's not just hey, I'm just looking for a man, I bring shit to this table too, and this is what I bring, and it's a whole nother level of relationship that comes from that. It's an incredible thing. Having been married when I was much younger and then having walking into something where you've got some assets and some accolades under your belt, it's a whole different story, so I'm super excited for you as to what the future looks I do want to share on that note.

Ella Parlor:

I have a girlfriend who married a multi-millionaire. He's wonderful, they have a beautiful marriage and, um, she revealed to me again through a conversation that I had, similar to the one I just mentioned, that one of her deepest regrets was that she met her husband before she had. She's like everything I built was after I got married and I feel like on the outside everybody just assumes that it was him and his wealth. But I kind of piggybacked on it. She goes. They don't understand that I was saving and that I was working on things. And, yes, his experience in business has helped me. Yes, his name, his connections, all that they have helped me.

Ella Parlor:

I'm not denying that she goes, but you have the blessing of building things on your own so that when your likely successful husband comes along that there will be that piece of no, I still have this piece of the pie that is mine and that I do bring value to the table. And she said that, while her husband completely respects her um, that she has to deal with people kind of rolling their eyes at her, saying, and but you didn't really, you didn't really build this yourself like you had help because he's a, you know, a multi-multi-millionaire, and so I think that everybody's story has a caveat everybody. And it's not our judge to point the finger. And it's not our place to point the finger and judge. It is our place to say hey, you have something that I kind of want to have too. Like, how did you build this and just have conversations with each other, instead of making assumptions like oh well, she only got that because of X, y and Z.

Ella Parlor:

Or it's just because of who her dad is, or it's just you don't know people's situations, you don't know the behind the scenes and you're never going to know it if you're not having honest, earnest conversations with the people to learn the behind the scenes.

Tanya Wilson:

Yeah, it goes right back to what we were talking about before when you were talking about the Amy Schumer comment. You know you're a woman. It's instantly going to go to default in the popular world that we live in, that you got there because some man helped you get there, or you sucked your way to the top, or you did this or you did that. You know, like, let's just talk about it for what it is, and there's a lot of badasses out there that are making really awesome moves and those are the women we're going to continue to celebrate and keep talking about and keep showing as an example of what is possible, because the more women that keep showing up and talking about stuff, it's showing the younger generation, even women that are older than us, what is actually possible of doing stuff. Do you ever see a man walk into a room and he's like, well, I kind of did this and they like downplay their shit. They like walk into the room and like beat their chest. Like I am men, hear me roar situation and damn it If we actually celebrate something and promote something on social media like, hey, I was a bad-ass this last year and this is what my business did. You know, let's talk about the fact that a business is making $2 million as a female-owned business. That is so rare, it's so crazy, and women don't want to talk about it because they're afraid of what other women are going to say about them. Please fucking talk about it.

Tanya Wilson:

There's more women that need to hear you say that, and the ones that are getting pissed off at you aren't the ones that are doing stuff and are going to create things. You have to let that go, because no one that's doing as much or more than you are will ever criticize you for your wild, crazy ideas or for the accolades that they've had. When you get that high energy community around you, they will celebrate the shit out of you and then make fun of you if you don't celebrate yourselves. Have those women in your lives. When you change that, everything in your life changes. You realize what is actually possible out there for you to be able to do, because you've got a bunch of women behind you cheering you on. That's the best cheering squad you could ever have.

Ella Parlor:

Yep, and it goes back to your network.

Tanya Wilson:

yes, can't promote that enough. Like everybody has to build a community of stuff. If you feel like you're alone in things, get your ass to a networking event or go somewhere. Go to a coffee place and say hi to somebody that's sitting next to you. Like you have to stop being scared to be like we we said before be invited and just continue to sit in the background. That just does not. Does not bode well. Ella, this has been such an incredible conversation. Just the background that you have of being in business. I could talk to you for hours, girl, but if people want to connect with you and they want to learn more about your consulting business where to get your book? How to listen to your podcast? Where's the best places for people to find you?

Ella Parlor:

The easiest place to find me is going to be on my website. It's ellaparlorcom. I'm migrating it right now, so it might not be the prettiest yet. We're working on some things on the back end, but it should be done. In about a it should be done. I don't think a website is ever done, but it should be somewhat updated in the next month. But Ella Parlor is where you can find everything. You can find my book, you can find my business, you can find my social medias. I'm Ella, your Bella, here to serve you on all social media platforms. And then my book, High Tolerance, is available at Amazon, Walmart, Barnes, Noble, Costco, Walmart, Barnes, Noble, Costco, Target and about 40,000 other independent bookstores. So just walk into your favorite independent bookstore and ask them to order High Tone for you.

Ella Parlor:

And I promise they probably should be able to if they're in the system. So it's really ellaparlorcom. Ellaparlor I should learn how to say my own name, com, and I'm always open and happy to connect with other individuals who are just trying to make the world a better place.

Tanya Wilson:

One conversation, one company at a time, that is amazing and what I would love to be able to do to support you, too, the first three people that reach out to us through Instagram on Ladies Kickin' Ass. I would love to send you one of Ella's books, because I'm sure that the stories inside of that will just inspire you with anything. And you know just, it's learning the background and it's learning the story of someone else, and I think so many times we forget the power that is in each of our individual stories. Many times we try to hide things, we're not proud of stuff. There's been failures, so we feel like we're not qualified to do things. That is so untrue, because it's many of those failures that qualify you to help other people, and I know we can get down on this.

Tanya Wilson:

I had a freaking meltdown with my husband last night. I'm like I'm failing at everything. It's like, no, you're not, and I'm like but I feel like I am. It's okay to have those two and to be normal with that, because we do feel like those things, but failure is an event, it is not a person, and that is.

Tanya Wilson:

We're listening to and learning other people's stories, which I'm excited to read in your book as well, I think are just so incredibly important and that's why we have this community of Ladies Kickin' Ass, Ella at the end of every podcast. I'd love to ask every one of my guests how they resonate with this term, because I think it's really awesome that for some women, you know, kicking ass is an identifier for them of building a business. Kicking ass for some women is the identifier of being a really awesome mom. Kickin' Ass can be taking a break because you've been in hustle mode for so long that that's real hard for you to do. I'm sure you can identify with that. But when you hear the phrase ladies kickin' ass, what does that mean to you in your life?

Ella Parlor:

Well, I will say in a couple ways One I'm a trained fighter. So I will say in a couple ways One I'm a trained fighter, so I started training in different various martial arts when I was four years old. So when it comes to kicking ass, that has been my tagline for a very long time. That was my MySpace header, that was my Facebook header. It still might be actually on Facebook. Kicking ass and taking names, that used to be my headline. So that's what I think of in terms of the older me is physically being able to, you know, hold my own on a mat.

Ella Parlor:

But I will say that in life today, when I think of Ladies Kickin' Ass, it goes back to what we talked about on today's episode building communities. You can't kick ass on your own. You've got to have a community that is rallying around you, that is supporting you, that is identifying the blind spots. You might not be able to see, Because I had a heart-to-heart with a girl from the day and I was calling me out on my funk. She was like Ella. This is not what you need to be doing. So it's important to have beautiful, both like-minded, individual, well shared values I don't mean like-minded, shared, valued individuals, where you can build a community off of shared values not being the same, but sharing the same innate values. You will be so amazed by how you can kick ass with your community, your family, your friends, just by showing up in the world, and in numbers.

Tanya Wilson:

Yes, oh, that's beautiful, so beautiful. Thank you so much for all of your knowledge, for sharing your story with us today and all your wisdom, of all of your experience that you have built this far, and I can't wait to see where you go. So everybody will tag the book. We'll tag everything again for three people that reach out. I will be happy to send you one of Bella's books and let's support Ellen the things that she is working on. I'm so proud to have you be part of the Ladies Kickin' Ass community now and thank you so much for your time.

Ella Parlor:

Thank you, Tanya.

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Tanya Wilson

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